Tag: mental health

Achieving Balance with an ADHD brain

It’s been awhile since I have written. In fact it has been awhile since I have done anything significant on a creative level. It’s been a very different summer than in 2020. For one, I had a lot more free time to enjoy and explore my creative outlets. I also slept less and woke practically every morning to watch the sunrise. This summer, my sleep has seemed to have fallen in a more “normal” pattern. Last year I joined Tik Tok and met some amazing people online and embraced a community of positive folks, as well as all kinds of artists. I even made videos that were fun and also videos that I shared diferent thoughts. I enjoyed interacting with so many people and even gained some friendships along the way.

This past Spring, I experienced some life events which made a big impact with practically everything I had done and felt before. My client I worked for as a caregiver for four years died and then a mere four days later, my uncle, whom I was close to, also passed away from complications due to Covid.

A month later, I took on a new job with more hours and a completely different environment. Luckily, I enjoy what I do. With that, my leisurely life sort of came to a halt this summer; a time when I should have been enjoying time taking day trips with the family or hang out with friends. Instead, I jumped into the “real” work world and am learning to adjust.

I attribute my new schedule the reason I stopped being creative. I barely draw, paint or even take photographs like I used to. I miss it but I am also somewhat drained at the end of the day. I need to find a new balance in order to go back to finding time and enjoying the things that made me feel good. Not only has the creative side of me taken a back burner, but so has my health and wellness journey, which also sort of stopped being a main focus since Spring.

With summer coming to an end and my kids going back to school, the reality of that hasn’t quite hit me. It means I won’t see my kids when I get home from work because they will be involved in after school activities. By the time they get home, they’ll be busy with homework and studying and finding their own balance from their carefree summer.

Balance. Such a simple word. Yet, it is very challenging for so many people. Balancing our schedules so as to not leave things out, yet not be overwhelmed either. Balancing the work/life thing is important. When one part of our life takes over and the other part dissipates, it causes a tip on the scales that to some, can bring on a lot of anxiety and stress. Thinking of all of this makes my ADHD brain spin.

Time management and planning will be key even more than ever. I get nervous wondering if I can do it. Time management and being organized are not my strong suits. As much as I strive to be an organized individual, I usually come up short bc it becomes extremely overwhelming and frustrating. I realize I need to take things slower and more methodically so as to not panic and stress out.

Up until recently have I really understood how my brain works. I didn’t realize, for instance that I can’t think on the fly. I have to talk out loud to get my thoughts out. Sometimes it may not make sense, but it’s my way of brainstorming and organizing the thoughts. Another thing is that it takes me a few seconds to actually understand when someone is asking me a question. I need the time to process it. Since there is somewhat of a delay, people may get impatient with me or wonder why I don’t respond immediately.

The most frustrating aspect of my condition is that I have numerous thoughts swirling in my head and most are important, but I have difficulty putting them in order to make sense so I can tackle my ongoing “list”. And because of that, I get extremely overwhelmed and emotional that it literally drains me on a physical level, too. I suppose that is why I have a history of avoiding things.

Tasks that seem so simple to others are exponentially more difficult for a person who lives with ADHD. Add mental health issues into the mix, like anxiety and depression, certainly does not help. I have to be very intenional in everything I do now because there is a lot more happening in my life that I never had to concern myself with as much as when I was younger.

I have also noticed more that I do not want to know every detail of something. Bullet points, highlights, etc. are more effective for me. For example, my husband is extremely detail oriented and a big planner/forward thinker. When there is a project in the home that has to be done and he wants to share it with me or ask for my opinions, he will give me so much info that I tune it out or I will get very upset because I just want to make a decision and not go over every detailed scenario. Once I make my mind up, I go with it and try not to look back because it already took effort for me to come up with my decision.

I have heard and read about things people with ADHD can do to minimize the anxiety and accomplish what needs to be done while still enjoying things that bring joy. That is my ultimate goal. To go back to being creative more often. It not only is fun, but it is therapeutic.

Below is a list of 7 ideas/strategies I have found most helpful for me to incorporate into my life. I hope this list can help you if you’re overwhelmed, overworked, stressed, anxious or just lost. You don’t necessarily need to have ADHD to incorporate these into your life, either.

1. MAKE A LIST. I have had a strange aversion to lists most of my life. I really can’t tell you why. However, I realize I need to make lists and write things down, especially because I am more forgetful as I’ve gotten older. I won’t say I am a master list maker (or follower), but I am working on it!

2. PLAN AHEAD. Don’t wait for the last minute . Boy is this how I have lived most of my life. Perhaps in my youth it worked out ok. As I have gotten older and now have a family, doing things last minute just causes so much stress that I try very hard to do things more in advance.

3. PREPARE FOR THE WEEK. Again, this goes in the same lines as planning ahead. This one is more about meal planning. I have always been one to fly by the seat of my pants kind of person and find many times I never know what we’re having for dinner. Forget about packing lunches or even making breakfast! It’s just not good for any of us. We have been ordering out more or just not eating decent meals. And if I have to fight tooth and nail to prep the meals for the week on Sundays, I really believe I will be happier by the end of the week.

4. GET ENOUGH SLEEP. Over the last year, my sleep has been sporadic. Insomnia is not healthy and can cause havoc on your body, mind, and emotional well being. We need our sleep!

5. SCHEDULE TIME FOR FUN. Sounds silly, right? Remember what I said earlier? My schedule has changed to the point where everything I enjoyed before has taken a back burner to work and tasks that need to get done. We need to make it a point to have a little fun. If you have to block out time on your calendar and treat it as an appointment, then more than likely you will do it. And try not to talk yourself out of it either!!!

6. BE INTENTIONAL. None of this will work unless we set our minds to doing it. Say it out loud. Write it down. Post stickies on your mirror. Whatever it takes to remind yourself that these things are important for your well-being, the more you will stick to it.

7. FIND YOUR SUPPORT CIRCLE. I cannot ephasize how important this is for true success. We all need that support, love and understanding. If those around us don’t get it, then tell them how you feel and explain just like I did here how your operate and what is important to you and what you need from them.

I’d love to hear your observations or suggestions on how you achieve balance and/or how you are living with ADHD. Leave your comments below. I am sure there are other things I forgot.

“My wish is that I can achieve balance without frustration and those around me have the patience to understand me.” – Elisa Uhrynowski

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The Art of Doing Nothing

I have recently come across several posts and discussions regarding the art of doing nothing. Stillness. Quiet. I am not referring to meditation, although that is a good practice to center yourself. This aspect of doing nothing is just as it says… spending time not doing anything.

Remember as kids we would go outside and play, explore or even lie in the grass on our backs and just stare at the clouds in the sky? We’d daydream, letting our minds wander with no particular goal in mind. The idea of day-dreaming has come to be something of taboo. We are told we aren’t be productive. We are lead to believe we are wasting time and to focus. But little do we realize day-dreaming is what so many famous scientists, inventors and the like did to eventually formulate their ideas!

We live such busy lives. Work. Kids. Activities. Social Media. We are over stimulated. How do we have time to just be? When we stop and just be, we open the possibilities of many things, but most importantly, allow ourselves to truly relax and slow down.

As a person with ADHD, doing nothing is both challenging and a welcomed reprieve. My mind is constantly thinking. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night for no particular reason. Then thoughts enter my mind. The idea of doing nothing excites me because that means my mind and body can truly rest.

When we vacation, we purposely decide to relax or to explore. Vacation is a temporary escape from our everyday lives. Depending on the type of vacation you choose, you may find yourself just as busy as you are at home and you find you may need another vacation from your vacation!

I am not sure if it a cultural thing or if it is human nature. It seems we have difficulty just doing nothing. There is this impending need to fill our calendars with events and activities. Family obligations certainly play a role in this. Yet, we forget to set time aside for ourselves to decompress. Just like many suggest to put your exercise/workout routines in the calendar, we most likely would benefit greatly if we set time in our calendars to “DO NOTHING”. Putting it down on paper is purposeful and encourages us to follow through.

Some say they can’t do this because they aren’t comfortable being with themselves or being quiet. Some may say it’s boredom and they need to do something to feel stimulated. It makes it that much more challenging to fight against the “go-go-go” society. I personally have found solace and quietness such a welcoming feeling. Surprisingly, it energizes me because I am allowing my mind to not be compelled to think…about anything.

Doing nothing seems such an odd state of being. However, when we sit and relax without disturbances and outside factors, our minds open up and that’s when our creativity starts to flow. Our endorphins kick in and we feel happy and less stressed. With that relaxed sense, we can conquer our day with a new perspective and most likely have the ability to overcome obstacles that get in our way.

What are some ways you can learn the art of doing nothing?

  • Breathe. Yes, just focusing on our breath and nothing else can be calming. The goal is to empty our minds and just be.
  • Set time aside in your day to Do Nothing. Mark it in your calendars. Write in on your whiteboards. Set an alarm to remind you it’s time for you to disconnect completely from everything.
  • Turn off ALL electronic devices, both audio and visual. Use nature as your radio and television.
  • No judgement. There is nothing wrong with taking time for yourself to decompress. Don’t criticize yourself for being kind to your mind.
  • Think like a child and then do what they do! Go outside. Sit in a chair or better yet, lie on your back in the grass and stare at the sky.

HOW WILL YOU INCORPORATE DOING NOTHING IN YOUR DAILY LIFE?

If you have ideas or suggestions of how we can learn to do more of nothing, I’d love to hear from you! Leave your comments below.

Reflections, Goals and Mental Health

image from internet

It’s a new year and some of us are still working out our plans or goals for 2021. I personally didn’t set specific goals as I have been in what I consider a survival mode over the last couple months. I haven’t given myself the time to sit down long enough to thoroughly examine what I want to achieve this year. I carry on each day as I do the next and find that I am a bit lost. Yet, I never give up. Each day brings an opportunity to work on myself.

REFLECTION:

Rewind back to mid October 2020. This is when I brought my mom to the hospital because she wasn’t well. She was quite sick, actually. I didn’t know what was happening to her at the time. All I know is that I never saw her so “small” and weak. She looked old, worn out and honestly, I thought she might die. Turns out after her being admitted, the doctor informed me she was experiencing lithium toxicity. Her body was beginning to show signs of shutting down. It was very upsetting and scary to learn what was happening to my mom. So many emotions started pouring out of me that I had a hard time calming myself. I knew what I needed to do; it was a matter of being able to follow through.

Lithium is a medicine that is used to treat bipolar disorder. My mom was diagnosed back in the early 80’s. I can remember many of the details of the day when she had her first nervous breakdown. It was frightening to witness as a young 12 year old child. I realize now that things were never going to be quite the same again. I spent the rest of my adolescent years learning to understand what happened to my mom and living with a parent who was not mentally stable. I did my best to carry on, living what some consider the best days of my youth. Unfortunately, there was always something different in my home. Looking back, the energy in our house was somewhat muddled. Despite the fact my mom recovered from her nervous breakdown and was under psychiatric care, things were always a bit off.

Mom was pretty stubborn back then as she is even today. She disliked her psychiatrist to the point she would argue with him incessantly. She didn’t want to face the truth. She refused to see the positives and thought the world was against her, including her doctor. I remember one time I was concerned for her and called him to ask for help. When my mom found out, she was extremely angry. That was when she cut the cord with the only person that could medically treat her mental disorder. I didn’t know what else to do but to live my teen life and do my best to ignore (subconsciously) my mom’s well being.

In my mid teens, my mom started drinking. She did it as a result of loneliness. My father traveled a lot and would leave for 1-2 weeks every couple months for his job. To an extent, mom and I were each others companions. We’d actually be excited when my dad left because that meant we had this distorted sense of freedom. The old adage, “when the cat’s away, the mice will play”, was definitely the way it was during those years. Although I was a teenager, discovering life, love and everything in between, I always was by my mother’s side, making sure she was ok. Little did I realize that this began my life of caregiving. My father would always say, “look out for your mom”, when he would leave for his trips. Eventually that statement would be one I would loathe and fight against the rest of the days I lived at home.

GOALS:

Fast forward to 1996. This was the year I finally moved out of my house. I was elated and couldn’t wait to burn rubber out of my parent’s driveway so I could start my life without them. I was 26 years old. Throughout the rest of my teen life and early adulthood, I watched as my parent’s marriage deteriorate. I remember wanting to get away from them because I saw the writing on the walls before my parents did. I was a co-dependent. I was the 3rd leg of the tripod. As long as I continued to live in my childhood home, I would never be able to live my life the way I wanted. I had to sever the cord and say goodbye.

Within 2 years, my parents divorced. My mom had found someone that gave her the attention she so desperately sought over the years. My father was blind sided. He had no idea at the time the impact of his travels had on our family. And even though I saw this coming, I had a lot of anger. I was particularly angry with my mom. I hated that she couldn’t stop her drinking. I hated that she left my dad. I hated that my father was clueless. Being the third party of this dysfunctional family, it infuriated me that my parents couldn’t sort things out. However, it was their lives, not mine. If I needed to take care of my own well being, I needed to get out of dodge and never look back.

Easier said than done. Despite my desperation, I never truly escaped my ties to my parent’s lives. I supported both of them in different ways over the next several years. I developed a love/hate relationship with my mom. Today, I may not have as much animosity towards her, but I struggle. I have been in and out of therapy since my early 20’s. And the sessions have always circled back to my mom, our relationship and how to cope.

Mental Health:

I have been married for 19 years and have 2 teenagers. I have been doing my best to live my life with my family. However, since having my kids, I have been diagnosed and treated for anxiety, depression, and ADHD. I’ve had a few medical problems occur, including thyroid cancer and sleep apnea. These issues are not terrible. In fact, I have been doing pretty well on the medical side. It’s my mental well being that has been the biggest challenge. It has affected my marriage and most likely has impacted my children’s lives to some extent.

Enter 2020. The year of the pandemic and unrest in our world. Many of us have had challenges, struggles, or obstacles to overcome. Last year was a year of testing our resilience as human beings. It was a year to slow down and do a lot of self reflection. I have been on a journey over the last few years to be a better version of myself. 2020 helped me see where I need to be and what I need in order to be happy. I am still working out the kinks so I can map out my life. But at least I have more resources and tools under my belt to help support my continued trek.

Although I still struggle with my mom and her mental issues, I can say we are probably closer now than ever. Since her recent hospitalization, I have noticed she is more open to seeking the help she fought against so many years before. She is finally wiling to go to counseling and be under psychiatric care. My mom is finally finding her voice. We may not agree on many things and I know that my patience is tested all the time. Yet, the one thing we do agree on is that we have a strong love for each other. We will never abandon one another. We are on our own road to healing. And that is all anyone can ever hope to have in their lifetime.

For more information on mental illness, visit National Alliance on Mental Illness https://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-Conditions.

Year-End Mental Health Check

Photo by Rachel Claire on Pexels.com

It’s the holiday season for most of the world, and with that comes excitement, anticipation and, you guessed it, stress. Why is it that during this time of year that we often times get stressed out and our anxieties are at an all time high? Do we put too much pressure on ourselves? Are we trying to make it the best holiday celebration ever? Are we financially strapped due to the pandemic and loss of employment? How are our families? Do we juggle too much to get it done all in within a month?

The answer is a big fat YES to all these questions and more. It may be the most wonderful time of the year, but it certainly carries a certain sense of pressure that can make us feel depleted by the end of the year.

So, why do we put ourselves through it? Better yet, why do we feel the stress or allow it to take over our emotions? Perhaps it is all the ideology behind celebrating and partaking in the joy of the season. All those Hallmark movies and Christmas stories get us all giddy inside and have us wishing or hoping for that perfect holiday. Who doesn’t want to live in a quaint little town, build a snowman and bake the best gingerbread house ever for the town’s annual Christmas baking contest? And lest we forget the main theme of the plot, a romantic story, filled with hope and forever love.

In all seriousness, I do believe we have an image, an expectation of ourselves and our families to have the best Christmas or Hanukkah ever. We want to partake in the fun filled activities that only present themselves during this time of year. We relish the thought of many gatherings with the closest of our friends and families. We love the idea of gift giving (and receiving ;)). There is that magical feeling we want to experience over and over again until we exhaust all opportunities to celebrate the holidays.

Whew! Just writing all that makes me want to take a deep breath! And that is my point of this post. As much as we want to do enjoy all there is available to us, we really must take a pause and check in with ourselves. Are we taking on more that we can handle? Are we trying too hard to make things perfect and worrying too much about that ideal gift, meal or party? Absolutely! I know I get caught up in all the excitement and am like a kid in a candy shop! My eyes are wide and I have the biggest grin on my face because I want it all!

Yet, the reality is that we cannot have it all. We can’t all be bakers. We aren’t all phenomenal decorators, and we certainly aren’t all rich to buy the biggest gifts for our loved ones. If we don’t stop ourselves, we will drain our energy and become irritable and plain exhausted! And no one wants a Grinch at their party!

Families are another issue as well. We are physically separated from our loved ones, sometimes states away, if not countries apart. Our desire to be with each other during the holidays adds another stress factor because we may not always have the means to travel.

Ever since Covid hit, everything has taken a major shift in our way we do things and so our original plans of how to celebrate the holidays are pretty much washed out. No large gatherings. Everything is now virtual. From birthday parties, to church, most of us will be Zooming with our families and friends this year. If that didn’t add already to our regular stress, now we have to deal with ensuring everyone has their technology in place so that that Grandma can see little baby Susie for the first time.

I am not trying to make light of this, but we really need to stop and just take a moment to observe what is happening around us and make sure we aren’t falling into an abys. Since many of us have had to quarantine and stay away from loved ones, our desire to see one another is likely much higher this year. However, if we want to have future holidays with our friends and families, we must adhere to keeping safe and healthy. Thus, we remain isolated and many of us alone.

According to Mental Health America, there has been a significant increase of depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts since the pandemic hit the U.S. in 2020. The increase is prevalent in our youth and in minorities. What can we do to alleviate our mental illness? How can we get through the holiday season this year after everything we have experienced so far?

There are some things we can do to help. Keep in mind, the list below is not to be a replacement for professional help. This list is for those of us feeling the stress of lauding the holiday season this year.

  1. Put yourself first. We have a tendency to serve others before helping ourselves. Just like the airline attendants instruct us to put the mask on our faces first, then putting it on our children, the same thought applies to taking care of our needs first. We cannot be any good to others if we don’t get the rest, nourishment, exercise and respite needed to be fully available for our families.
  2. Take the focus off of the celebrations and focus on the little moments. We may not be able to do the same things we did in previous years, but we need to stop thinking about what we don’t have and focus on what we DO have right now. If you are healthy, that is wonderful! If you can take a walk outside and enjoy natures beauty, you can really enjoy the simplicity of the season. Think about how our ancestors celebrated the holidays and take a chapter from that book. The simplicity of things can be very rewarding and fullfilling.
  3. Practice daily gratitude and affirmations. Again, stop thinking about the what if’s and why nots and focus on what you are grateful for today. Expressing gratitude on a daily basis is a great way to re-train our brain to think differently under the circumstances. See my previous post Re-Train Your Brain. In addition to expressing gratitude, practicing daily affirmations can be a powerful way of manifesting your future. By saying “I am happy” instead of “I want to be happy”, you are already believing that you are at that current state and it isn’t wishful thinking.
  4. Make a concerted effort to connect with your loved ones. Yes, we are busy, but we are also operating at a slower pace this year. Which means we can take the time to call our families, friends, and other people in our lives that mean something to us. We can schedule weekly zoom calls/meetups. Or we can simply pick up the phone and dial. Hearing our family on the other line is such an endorphin booster!
  5. Listen to music and dance it out! Music has been known to soothe and comfort. It can be uplifting, motivating and calming. Whether you listen to classical, blues, hip hop or anything in between, you will be in a much better mood than before you turned on the tunes. The holiday music is especially fun and energizing, so blast it through your windows for the neighbors to hear!

Whatever you do this month, make it manageable and really focus on the positives. Your mind will thank you!