Elisa Uhrynowski

Is it Selfish or is it Self-Care?

In order to get a full experience of self-care, we need to address each of our Five senses of Sight, Touch, Hearing, Speech and Taste!

I’ve been spending a lot of time helping my mom, who was recently hospitalized for her mental well being. It has been a stressful time for both of us. I am an only child, so all the burden falls on me. My parents are divorced and both remarried several years ago. Unfortunately, my mother’s husband died four years ago, and ever since, I have noticed my mom has struggled to find herself again and function properly. I’m sad to say, she has lived with bi-polar disorder the majority of her adult life. As a young teen, I witnessed her go through a couple nervous breakdowns and battled alcoholism. My father traveled a lot for his job. Early on, I assumed on the role of a co-dependent. As I got older, and finally moved out of my house at 26 years of age, I started to live my life and discover who and what I wanted to be. I had fantasies of moving out west or somewhere else to spread my wings, but I just didn’t take the chance on myself. I was too concerned about my parents and didn’t want to abandon them or be that far away. It was quite the challenge because no matter what, my focus circled back to my mom.

picture of mom and me a week after she was in the hospital. Look at her smile!

Fast forward 25 years and I am married, have 2 teenagers, work part-time as a caregiver and am learning to make more time for myself. I am finding it difficult to do it all. It isn’t in my nature to put myself completely first because I want to help others around me. However, I find I desperately need to take more and more time for myself and relish being alone, enjoying simple things like watching the sun rise, or taking a walk on a trail. I love taking pictures and enjoy crafting or making art. Most of those things have fallen by the wayside. I have gotten into a horrible routine that is most likely hindering my overall health, physically and emotionally. I try so hard to do simple things, like getting a good night’s sleep, breathing, stretching, eating well, etc. But, no matter how much I try, my desire for a healthy and self-caring lifestyle is trumped by outside factors I allow to disrupt my day.

picture taken of sunrise on December 11, 2020 Milford, CT

Is it so bad that I want to take care of myself before putting the needs of others right now? I was taught, especially through my Christian faith, that selfishness is wrong. That we must think of others before we think of ourselves. However, I have also learned we have to love ourselves before we can love others. We have to take care of our well being so that we can be there for our loved ones. My mind is confused. Putting myself ahead of everyone sort of goes against my giving nature. Yet, deep inside, I know that if I continue this path of caring for others and put myself at the back-burner, I will be a miserable person. I battle my own thoughts and feelings everyday. I am exhausted. I know I cannot keep up this pace much longer.

I listened to an episode of Coffeetalk with Liquidshano1973 recently and the topic was Self-Care. It really hit home and I have to admit, I was in tears after listening to the 31 minute segment. I realized then that I haven’t fully invested in MYSELF. I always say I do things to enjoy the little things in life. I pause and breathe. I try to soak in those rays. I do try to smile and be grateful. Yet, all of these things I do is not enough! It is very hard to admit I am my worst enemy and do not completely follow my own advice. In the episode, Shane mentions some tips he found while researching the topic of self-care. He chose to highlight 7 of them, and when I reflect on these tips, I know this is something I can incorporate into my daily routine, provided that I am intentional.

I found the original website and read a total of 27 ideas of self-care. In a similar manner, I am listing a combination of what Shane highlighted in his podcast, as well as others that the author mentioned on how we can take just 5 minutes to practice self-care. Before I list these tips, I have something to share that brings this all home.

My job can be stressful at times. My client has specific needs and over the few years I have worked for her, I have slowly changed how I manage my outside life. I stopped using my favorite scents in laundry, or in the shower because of her chemical sensitivity. I also stopped wearing makeup when I go to her home, including facial lotions because I was afraid she would get ill from any scents she might pick up. For a long time, I wouldn’t dye my hair. These simple things, these ways of taking care of myself or doing things that brought a little joy, were almost completely abandoned because I wanted to do the right thing and please my client.

I realize now, I was neglecting myself. I needed to stop. I needed to put my needs ahead for a change or else I think I would explode. The other night, I decided I was going to pamper myself and enjoy a little in-home spa treatment. Wow! Can I just say, this was a much needed mini “getaway” in my home. I took the time to dye my hair, give myself a facial and even put makeup on so I could feel good! By no means was this a selfish act. It was an act of self-care! I needed to do this so that my spirits were lifted and so that I can continue to be there for everyone else, while feeling happy with me! It may seem obvious to do these kind of things, but I have been so consumed with being a caregiver, that I have forgotten to take time for me.

this is me after my little “spa” treatment

Below are a total of 10 tips that you can do to practice self-care. These are inspired or paraphrased from the website linked above. I discovered within these ideas, is something to think about, too. In order to get a full experience of self-care, we need to address each of our Five senses of Sight, Touch, Hearing, Speech and Taste! I put the sense in parenthesis.

Write down 3 things you are grateful for in your life (touch)
- By writing down things you are grateful for, you are putting those thoughts directly in front of you and from pen to paper, it will resonate into your mind.
Breathe deeply
- You’d be surprised how much we hold our breath throughout the day. By doing that, we are depriving ourselves of much needed oxygen and the release of toxic carbon dioxide. Plus, intentionally taking deep breaths can help relieve stress and can be calming.
Get outside (seeing)
- Going on the same lines of taking deep breaths, going outside to breathe the fresh air really can be an uplifting experience. Also, observing bits of nature can relax you and even make you smile.
Drink a glass of water (taste)
- Water is essential to a healthy body. We tend to not get enough water on a daily basis. Make it a habit to have a glass of water first thing in the morning so that you can awaken our body after a night’s sleep.
Eat something you enjoy (taste)
- Eating something we enjoy doesn’t mean binge eating. It can be as simple of having a piece of fresh fruit or one small piece of chocolate. Even drinking a hot beverage can be very satisfying.
Walk Around
- Moving our bodies helps to lubricate our joints and circulates our blood throughout our body. Walking also gets the heart pumping and doing the job it is meant to do.
Stretch
- Sometimes a nice, long stretch is all we need to feel rejuvenated. Taking time to stretch our backs, legs, neck, shoulders, etc. also helps relieve stress and tension. Go on YouTube and find a 5-10 minute yoga routine that focuses on stretching.
Listen to a favorite song (hearing)
- A friend of mine said that music soothes the savage soul. I couldn’t agree more. And when we listen to a favorite song, we immediately feel good. It can be uplifting, calming, and spark good memories!
Put on some Aromatherapy (smell)
- I mentioned about scents earlier. I love the smell of citrus or fresh scents. They make me happy. Aromatherapy is another way to touch our senses and can make us feel good.
Apply face or body lotion (touch)
- Don’t neglect your biggest organ of your body…the skin! Treat it well. Put lotion all over, especially the face. You will feel better and look good, too!

How are you going to start taking more time for yourself and practice self-care?

Please drop a comment and share your ideas! I’d love to hear what you do to be a better version of yourself!

Year-End Mental Health Check

It’s the holiday season for most of the world, and with that comes excitement, anticipation and, you guessed it, stress. Why is it that during this time of year that we often times get stressed out and our anxieties are at an all time high? Do we put too much pressure on ourselves? Are we trying to make it the best holiday celebration ever? Are we financially strapped due to the pandemic and loss of employment? How are our families? Do we juggle too much to get it done all in within a month?

The answer is a big fat YES to all these questions and more. It may be the most wonderful time of the year, but it certainly carries a certain sense of pressure that can make us feel depleted by the end of the year.

So, why do we put ourselves through it? Better yet, why do we feel the stress or allow it to take over our emotions? Perhaps it is all the ideology behind celebrating and partaking in the joy of the season. All those Hallmark movies and Christmas stories get us all giddy inside and have us wishing or hoping for that perfect holiday. Who doesn’t want to live in a quaint little town, build a snowman and bake the best gingerbread house ever for the town’s annual Christmas baking contest? And lest we forget the main theme of the plot, a romantic story, filled with hope and forever love.

In all seriousness, I do believe we have an image, an expectation of ourselves and our families to have the best Christmas or Hanukkah ever. We want to partake in the fun filled activities that only present themselves during this time of year. We relish the thought of many gatherings with the closest of our friends and families. We love the idea of gift giving (and receiving ;)). There is that magical feeling we want to experience over and over again until we exhaust all opportunities to celebrate the holidays.

Whew! Just writing all that makes me want to take a deep breath! And that is my point of this post. As much as we want to do enjoy all there is available to us, we really must take a pause and check in with ourselves. Are we taking on more that we can handle? Are we trying too hard to make things perfect and worrying too much about that ideal gift, meal or party? Absolutely! I know I get caught up in all the excitement and am like a kid in a candy shop! My eyes are wide and I have the biggest grin on my face because I want it all!

Yet, the reality is that we cannot have it all. We can’t all be bakers. We aren’t all phenomenal decorators, and we certainly aren’t all rich to buy the biggest gifts for our loved ones. If we don’t stop ourselves, we will drain our energy and become irritable and plain exhausted! And no one wants a Grinch at their party!

Families are another issue as well. We are physically separated from our loved ones, sometimes states away, if not countries apart. Our desire to be with each other during the holidays adds another stress factor because we may not always have the means to travel.

Ever since Covid hit, everything has taken a major shift in our way we do things and so our original plans of how to celebrate the holidays are pretty much washed out. No large gatherings. Everything is now virtual. From birthday parties, to church, most of us will be Zooming with our families and friends this year. If that didn’t add already to our regular stress, now we have to deal with ensuring everyone has their technology in place so that that Grandma can see little baby Susie for the first time.

I am not trying to make light of this, but we really need to stop and just take a moment to observe what is happening around us and make sure we aren’t falling into an abys. Since many of us have had to quarantine and stay away from loved ones, our desire to see one another is likely much higher this year. However, if we want to have future holidays with our friends and families, we must adhere to keeping safe and healthy. Thus, we remain isolated and many of us alone.

According to Mental Health America, there has been a significant increase of depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts since the pandemic hit the U.S. in 2020. The increase is prevalent in our youth and in minorities. What can we do to alleviate our mental illness? How can we get through the holiday season this year after everything we have experienced so far?

There are some things we can do to help. Keep in mind, the list below is not to be a replacement for professional help. This list is for those of us feeling the stress of lauding the holiday season this year.

Put yourself first. We have a tendency to serve others before helping ourselves. Just like the airline attendants instruct us to put the mask on our faces first, then putting it on our children, the same thought applies to taking care of our needs first. We cannot be any good to others if we don’t get the rest, nourishment, exercise and respite needed to be fully available for our families.
Take the focus off of the celebrations and focus on the little moments. We may not be able to do the same things we did in previous years, but we need to stop thinking about what we don’t have and focus on what we DO have right now. If you are healthy, that is wonderful! If you can take a walk outside and enjoy natures beauty, you can really enjoy the simplicity of the season. Think about how our ancestors celebrated the holidays and take a chapter from that book. The simplicity of things can be very rewarding and fullfilling.
Practice daily gratitude and affirmations. Again, stop thinking about the what if’s and why nots and focus on what you are grateful for today. Expressing gratitude on a daily basis is a great way to re-train our brain to think differently under the circumstances. See my previous post Re-Train Your Brain. In addition to expressing gratitude, practicing daily affirmations can be a powerful way of manifesting your future. By saying “I am happy” instead of “I want to be happy”, you are already believing that you are at that current state and it isn’t wishful thinking.
Make a concerted effort to connect with your loved ones. Yes, we are busy, but we are also operating at a slower pace this year. Which means we can take the time to call our families, friends, and other people in our lives that mean something to us. We can schedule weekly zoom calls/meetups. Or we can simply pick up the phone and dial. Hearing our family on the other line is such an endorphin booster!
Listen to music and dance it out! Music has been known to soothe and comfort. It can be uplifting, motivating and calming. Whether you listen to classical, blues, hip hop or anything in between, you will be in a much better mood than before you turned on the tunes. The holiday music is especially fun and energizing, so blast it through your windows for the neighbors to hear!

Whatever you do this month, make it manageable and really focus on the positives. Your mind will thank you!

Retrain Your Brain

This year has forced many of us to change the way we think. Some took advantage of picking up new hobbies. Some had to adjust to a different work environment. Many of us had to deal with having the entire family in the home due to kids learning virtually online. Our country has seen a lot of turmoil with racisim, political unrest, and the world-wide health crisis.

We have learned to adapt to our new “normal” and even started to find some positives to some extent. In the beginning, I jumped on the baking wagon and tried all kinds of recipes to entertain myself. Funny thing is, I never stuck to any of it. I had fun, but after trying it once, it was enough to satisfy my curiosity and it served as a check on my bucket list.

Later in the year, I found Tik Tok and this amazing online place to have fun and meet new people. Now, 6 months into using this app, it evolved from doing silly things to using this platform as a means to share my thoughts, almost on a daily basis. Eventually, I found a community of people that shared the same ideas and philosophies as me. I have interacted with others who have inspired me and even got me to stop overthinking and to just start doing things! It has been an amazing experience to find a community of people that I’ve never met who share so many common things!

Most recently, I noticed the “Positivity Crew” has been lifting each other up more and sharing thoughts, experiences and suggestions of what we can do to change our thinking pattern or mindset. This made me think that we need to re-train our brain. Just like our other muscles in our bodies that need to be excercised or stregthened, so does our brain.

Many of us have been stuck in a rutt lately. Several have experienced loss and/or pain. We have witnessed so much in this past year, it is surprising to not get sucked into the quicksand of negativity. It proves we are true survivors!

Personally, I have made it my committment to change my mindset. It has been my purposeful thoughts and actions to continually remind myself, as well as share with others, that there is good in something everyday.

I’m not saying it has been easy. It has been a process, a journey, an awakening. Just like it takes time to break a bad habit, it takes just as much time to stop our negative thinking, and re-train our brain to see things in a more positive light.

Being positive doesn’t mean that you are constantly happy, smiling or laughing, but it is more about how we handle our situations for the better. Having a positive mindset and attitude means we can see good at the end. We are confident that we will not be stuck in our situation and remain hopeless. Some of us set positive affirmations by saying to ourselves we are strong, worthy, loving, smart, etc.

It is so easy to fall into the negative trap of feeling hopeless, awkward, sad, etc. And if we continue to say those things about ourselves, we end up believing that and have a difficult time seeing how amazing we really are as people. Instead, we need to change our direction or flip the switch and start talking about ourselves in a more positive way.

Here is are suggestions of how to keep the momentum:

Be Intentional
- Set a goal or goals you want to achieve each day. They can be simple goals, like completing a task, to more lofty goals so you have something to work towards in a longer term.
Be Consistent
- It’s important to set a routine, and do your best to stick to that routine. Perhaps you start with meditating and excercising. Maybe it’s enjoying a great cup of coffee and reading a book. Whatever your routine is, do your best to stay consistent.
Be Grateful
- Since our lives have slowed down, it has given us the opportunity to appreciate the little things in life. Maybe you enjoy waking up to the sunrise. Taking a moment to pause and be grateful for what we do have in our lives can help your mind feel at peace.

source:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201710/how-train-your-brain-think-differently

The Creative Process

“Pitch that tent, camp for awhile and then head back down that path again.” – Dave Conrey

Sometimes you get stuck and don’t know where you’re heading and so you just kind of sit there and you just don’t move. After watching a video on YouTube from Dave Conrey, an artist from Long Beach, CA, I thought more about this aspect of being stuck and that no matter what, you have to keep moving. You can stop for a little while, but you really cannot stay there too long because once you stop, it’s very hard to get back on track.

In all creative outlets, it is really important to not have full expectations sometimes. In other words, don’t just say, “ok, I have to do this to get to that,” and then you just force it to happen. You may end up having a piece of work that is unsatisfactory. Dave talks about being okay with just accepting the fact that you’re not going to necessarily have an outcome right away, but that it is okay to be open-ended.

Creative people have a lot of expectations of themselves because once they create a certain piece of work that they are super happy about and feel extremely happy about it, the next piece that they work on whether it is a photograph, a written piece or artwork, the next one may not be as good and then you start over analyzing your creative process. With that mindset we end up being dissatisfied.

We need to be open to making mistakes and painting over those layers over and over and over again to keep going, to keep trying, to keep making over and over and over and not stop until you are satisfied. Sounds a bit repetitive, but stick with me here because there is relevance.

I am sort of new to this whole creative world in some ways, although I have always been artistic, creative, crafty. I never stuck to one thing and have explored many interests that I never really considered myself to be a relevant creator. Lately, I have surrounded myself with a community of artists and creators that are more free-minded and free-spirited. I am a free-spirit, however, I tend to put boxes around things and I do set my limits. I’m a realist more than I thought. I like things to be in order, but not in the sense you think. It’s more about me recreating something that is true to what I see.

This new exploration for me is a little scary. It’s like that path in the forest that you take that really isn’t a blazed trail, but there are a few blades of grass down. You say, “ok, sure, I’ll take a walk down here,” and have no clue what you’re going to encounter at the end of that path. When I was younger, I had no problem taking that unpaved path and just said, let’s go! However, in my later years of life, I am more cautious but I’m still curious and I think that’s the point. We cannot lose the curiosity. We shouldn’t lose our sense of wonder.

I think a big part of being a creative person is to never stop going, even if you don’t like the journey at that present moment. Even if you have to rewrite it, you may have to take thousands of pictures until you get that one perfect picture that you really love. You may have to paint layer upon layer upon layer on that canvas until you find the synchronicity of it. You may have to mold that clay several times until you get that piece just the way you want it to be. I think that’s how creative people are…they’re never satisfied, but what they keep doing is trying and they don’t give up. Once you give up, that’s when you’re no longer creative and you end up being an observer.

There’s nothing wrong with being an observer, however, if you are a creator, you tend to take what you observe and do something else with it and that’s the difference between an artist, creator, musician to those that are happy falling in line enjoying the work of others.

It’s crazy, but I have been so influenced by people I’ve interacted on Tik Tok and I know I have mentioned this a few times already about this social media platform. To all the naysayers out there, please read this carefully. Tik Tok has enabled people to connect with others around the world in a positive way. I have expanded my circle of people to open my eyes of how I can think differently or how I could approach things in my life differently. I have been inspired to do something I didn’t think I was capable of doing before pulling the trigger, so to speak. Just picking up the pencil and doodling just to get myself going…these people, my Tik Tok family, have really helped me by giving me that little push I needed.

I may not be the person that becomes famous for my writing or my photography or my drawings for that matter. But what will make me happy is that I’m throwing out into the universe my thoughts, my photographs, my writing and seeing how it inspires others. Maybe it doesn’t do anything or maybe my creations will be seen by one person and that person will then realize that they will try and do something they were afraid to do before.

That is the whole idea, the reason why I am doing what I do. To quote/paraphrase a person I follow, Shane Leketa (aka @liquidshano1973), he says the ripples we start become big waves eventually and so just dropping in that little rock and creating that little tiny ripple eventually will expand and will reach those that need to see it.

I truly believe that my purpose in life, right now, is to share all my ideas with others and see what happens, meanwhile knowing that all the thoughts that are in my mind are actually being put to use, as opposed to keeping them inside only for me.

What are some things you share with others?

Please comment below. I’d love to hear from you!

Bring Back Love and Compassion

It has been a week since the recent 19 year anniversary of September 11th, a day that will forever be marked in history. I found a common theme across my social media circles and that was we need to get back to how we dealt with that tragedy the days following the attack. I saw statements like, “let’s get back to loving one another; can we please bring back compassionate for others?; let’s forget our differences and remember we are one human nation;” and so many other statements.

It seems we have lost our ability over the last several years of how to be supportive and loving towards each other. Judging and hatred and disregarding others opinions have been more prevalent lately over the last few years. It saddens me to see how we can’t keep that feeling of one community and we are so divided over just about anything imaginable. It’s time to take action…one person at a time.

How can one person make such an impact on another? It may be simpler than we think. Shane Leketa, podcaster of Coffee Talk says, “…we need to get back to basics, invest in others, encourage and support one another,” even if we do not fully agree with everything they believe in or say.

When 9/11 happened, our nation truly united. We did anything possible to help by donating our time, money, support, love, and patriotism for our country. It didn’t matter what race, gender, social status you were because all in all, we just wanted to help our fellow human being. We forgot our differences and just pulled together.

Social media has been both a positive way of connecting with others, but has also served as a conduit for anyone to believe they have the right to say just about anything to the world without repercussions. It’s become our medium of venting, complaining, bullying, fighting, pushing our agendas, and anything else in that realm.

Instead of highlighting the negative aspects, let’s see what positive impact social media has had on us. It has enabled us to share our day with others, encourage and lift each other, reconnect with family and old friends, as well as making new connections with others around the world. One thing seems to be common…many are seeking the same thing and that is love and understanding.

Perhaps we can stop hyper focusing and accept the imperfections of things around us. Even things that aren’t perfect have a purpose and light that should be shown.

Back to basics. Family time, friend gatherings, enjoying the little things, going outside and breathing fresh air or re-connecting with nature. We are so blessed to have technology on our side to help us continue to communicate with one another. However, sometimes, we do need to unplug and pay attention to what is in front of us. Our neighbors. Our family. Our friends. Our world.

There are many suffering from mental illness, or going through difficult times with their families. Some people are completely alone and are battling post traumatic stress disorder. Our older generation has been isolated more than ever since this pandemic. our children are losing their innocence of wonder and amazement because they are exposed to so much. Some parents tell their kids everything and some choose to not share all the negative aspects of our world.

It can get overwhelming thinking about all the stressors in life and what everyone experiences on a day to day basis. So, let’s tackle it differently by breaking down the issues into bite sized pieces where we truly can make a difference and start rebuilding our communities.

Invest in others

What does that entail? taking the time to get to know others, not just superficially, but really understand them. Call your elderly parents and say hello. Help your neighbor who is struggling with a piece of lawn equipment. Write a letter to our military troops who are far from home.

Encourage each other

We all can use encouragement. Sometimes if we lift another person’s spirit, ours can be lifted as well. I’m not saying to do this for selfish reasons, but it’s a natural way of human interaction. We feel good when we help others, so don’t stop what comes natural to us and don’t be afraid to offer words of encouragement when you see someone is hurting or not themselves. Be someone’s shoulder to lean on. Be that ear someone needs to listen. Just be there.

It’s OK to Agree to Disagree

One of the most difficult challenges we face is tolerance of others and their differences, yet still be respectful towards one another. Everyone has opinions or beliefs that may not jive with yours and it is totally fine! How boring would life be if we all believed the same way? It’s healthy to have various discussions, but when we start bashing another person’s opinions and start disrespecting their character, then we have overstepped the line.

There is a thing called Rules of Engagement in the military. It is defined as,

“directives meant to describe the circumstances under which ground, naval, and air forces will enter into and continue combat with opposing forces. Formally, rules of engagement refer to the orders issued by a competent military authority that delineate when, where, how, and against whom military force may be used, and they have implications for what actions soldiers may take on their own authority and what directives may be issued by a commanding officer. Rules of engagement are part of a general recognition that procedures and standards are essential to the conduct and effectiveness of civilized warfare.”

https://www.britannica.com/topic/rules-of-engagement-military-directives

Even during World War I, there was an unofficial cease-fire during Christmas. Enemies stopped fighting. They didn’t want to fight one another even though they were on opposite sides. There was a common understanding that no one would fight on Christmas Day. How amazing is that? To think we actually possessed the respect to lay down our firearms so that we could have a day of peace.

I am not saying we need to treat our society like the military, but there is something we can extract from this and how society treats one another and their differences. Tolerance. Respect. Kindness. Love.

We are one human race, on one planet, with invisible lines that border us. We do not have to allow those invisible lines divide us. We can cross over and get back to basics by being compassionate towards other people, despite ourselves.

Different, yet the same.

The other day, I was walking around an area that had garden rocks and I started picking some up, with different colors, shapes, and textures. It then immediately occurred to me that all these rocks were in the same garden, co-existing, for one purpose, adding an aesthetic to the landscape. I started to examine the differences more carefully and even though some had jagged edges or some were smooth, they all had one thing in common…they were garden rocks.

Isn’t that how we are as well? We are all human, but all individuals, from different backgrounds, ethnicity and cultures living on the same planet. It’s really beautiful if you think about it. We are one of the few animal species in the world that has such diversity. From various languages and dialects to our physical traits, we are so different! Yet, we are also much the same in one way or another.

Since the world-wide Covid-19 pandemic, humanity seems to have come closer together. Some of you may be tilting your head and say, “what?” “Really?” Yes! Look at what Italy experienced and how they came together as an entire country! The rest of the world watched as the country united to support and help one another. As the virus spread, so did our need to connect more with our friends and families from afar. Our world was experiencing a terrifying situation that affected everyone; something we haven’t seen since the early 1900’s with the Spanish Flu. We all wanted to help, connect, pray, and just be one with each other.

Then a terrible tragedy occurred in the United States when some police officers murdered a man named George Floyd. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. However, my belief is due to our heightened sense of community in a quarantined environment and coming together during the health crisis, this situation really hit home for so many of us.

The entire black community, and others that supported them came together to fight against this wrongful death. Unfortunately, the community that was trying to spread awareness of respect turned ugly. Peaceful protests became angry mobs. It wasn’t like that everywhere, but unfortunately, the actions of some tainted what was to be considered a continued discussion on civil rights and justice. I am sad to say, we have yet to come together as a united community, BUT I AM NOT LOSING HOPE!

We are all human. We may be different in our upbringing, our race, our language, our looks, our sexuality, etc., but the one common denominator we share is we are a human species who, for the majority of us living on this fine earth, are seeking goodness, justice, love and compassion. We want to live in a world where we are respected not because of our stature, but because of our nature…our essence…our souls.

We are not perfect. We all have flaws and jagged edges, just like the rocks I described. But together, we can make a wonderful community of diversity and challenge one another to be better to one another, lift each other up and stand by our fellow human being in times of turmoil and despair.

If a bunch of different rocks can be placed in a garden and co-exist without falling apart, why can’t we do the same?

Different rocks making one beautiful structure, co-existing as one

Patience certainly is a virtue

The definition of patient means bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint or : steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity, as per the Merriam Webster Dictionary website.

The topic of patience has been on my mind lately. I’m not sure if it stems from what we have all been experiencing throughout 2020, or is it because of my own personal situations? All I know is that patience is a challenging attribute to achieve. It can be as simple as being patient while waiting for that perfect brew of coffee in the morning to start off my day. It can be waiting in line at the grocery store while there are 5 people ahead of me. How about sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office?

Those are just a few examples, but probably the most trying part of patience is dealing with people. I am at the point in my life where I am done with negativity and craziness around me. I have only recently learned to set boundaries to keep me away from the negatives in my life so that I learn to be more patient. I also give myself permission to “just be”. I am ok with taking my time to ease into my day and be gentle with myself when I don’t accomplish everything on my to do list. If it isn’t urgent, then it just gets added to tomorrow’s list.

It has been shown that having patience has health benefits! From reducing your stress levels to feeling more calm, having patience is one of the keys to living a good life.

What are our biggest stressors in life? Certainly our jobs, financial worries, family obligations and our health most likely top the list.

My job can be challenging. I am a caretaker. I need to be extremely patient with my client. They have special needs and demanding criteria to be met and even though I know I do a good job, I make mistakes and I can get on their nerves at times. They will lose their patience or get annoyed and I have to just listen and keep quiet and just continue doing my job. It can take a toll on me sometimes. There have been days I have left feeling upset or exhausted not just physically, but emotionally. It takes a very patient person to do what I do. Sometimes I wonder if I’m the right person.

Despite my doubts, I love what I do because I am helping another person. However, my patience has been put through the wringer and what happens is that I keep it all bottled inside and later lose my temper or become irritable later after leaving the job for the day. It’s not healthy because my family gets the short end of the stick. I am working on improving and be more intentional on to not take my emotions home with me. I have incorporated tools to help me start my day off on the right foot. Some of that is having certain rituals, like making a good cup of coffee, sitting on my deck and doing some yoga stretching. I also try to just sit and listen to the sounds around me and breathe. These little things have helped ground me and I do find that I’m not as irritable.

My afternoon routine is a bit different. Because of Covid, everyone is home…my husband, my kids. I don’t have a quiet space to just relax and unwind anymore since the self-quarantine began in March. After work, I tend to take a drive, grab something to eat, run errands if needed, but more importantly, find a place for me to just sit and decompress. Part of that does involve checking my social media, but sometimes it’s walking at a local trail, garden or just sitting in my car and listening to some tunes.

My family is sort of polar opposite of me and that can drive me a bit nuts. I am a talker, dreamer, and gal who thrives on interaction with others. They, on the other hand are quiet, reserved and keep to themselves most of the time. This environment tests my patience in a different way. Therefore, I find outlets to keep me going and try not to get upset if no one feels like talking to me. I rediscovered new hobbies and have made new friends. I don’t ever give up and continue to do what makes me happy. If I find myself losing my patience, I try some of the tips below. The key is to be mindful and intentional. As with anything, practice makes it better.

Here are tips to practicing patience:

Write down your “to-do’s” in order to have your tasks in front of you and you can mark them off as you complete them. Many get satisfaction checking off their tasks as “DONE”. Visuals help!
Reduce your expectations and be gentle with yourself. Once we let go of expectations, we don’t have anything to be disappointed about if things don’t work out how we hoped. And without that disappointment, we can then feel calmer, therefore, be more patient when life throws us those curveballs.
Start your day off by doing something good for yourself. Exercise like walking or yoga, having a coffee date with a friend, writing in a gratitude journal or just listening to your favorite music are just a few ideas that can help. They can make you feel grounded and ready to conquer the day!
Smile more. No, I’m not quoting from “Hamilton”, but smiling and laughing helps release endorphins, which in turn, reduce our stress. And if we don’t feel stress, we have the ability to have a clear mind and in turn, be more patient.
ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS! This is my mantra for life. Enjoy the little things or moments. Love nature? Go out in your yard or visit a park and stroll around, observing the colors, scents and sounds. Tuning into our senses does wonders for our soul.

So, what are some ways YOU are striving to be more patient? Please leave a comment and share! I’d love to hear from you!

Sense of Humor

I have always considered myself someone with a good sense of humor. Not only do I make jokes, hoping for a reaction, I also can take jokes from others who may poke fun at situations or even me. However, there are times when making a joke can go too far and be hurtful. I call it the Will Ferrell syndrome. I love Will Ferrell, don’t get me wrong, but there are times in some of his movies that his characters go a bit too far and the funny becomes idiotic or too crass.

I have been the butt of many jokes with my friends and family and I typically have a thick skin and can laugh at myself. Heck, if you can’t laugh at yourself, then someone else will laugh at you anyway, so might as well have 1^st crack at it, right? Yet, being the punch line of every joke can cause a person to be self conscientious or dig up memories that are painful. As a young kid and then middle school teen, I experienced a lot of bullying. It caused a lot of hurt for me for a long time, but I kept on trucking and eventually got away from the bullies once I began high school. It was like a clean slate and I was able to be myself again.

This post isn’t about bullying…I will save that for another time. I want to focus on our sense of humor.

This year is probably the perfect year for us to have a good sense of humor and laugh at all the situations we’ve experienced. I am not minimizing the tragedy of the pandemic, but trying to highlight how we have been able to handle the situation without going insane. I saw a quote saying “if we cannot laugh at ourselves, then we will all go insane.” I truly believe if we cannot laugh at ourselves or our situations, then we are lost. 2020 has been a test for us…how resilient we are and how kind we can be to others. Most of all, we can laugh at just about anything now because we have no other choice but to find a light side to this dark time.

I follow a few comedians who really get me laughing out. I love when you laugh so hard that your belly hurts. I find myself having just experienced the same exact situation and can nod my head in agreement and then just laugh! Boy, does it feel good! What is the old adage…laughter is the best medicine? It is certainly an endorphin booster!

Laughing out loud can help you relieve stress, lift your mood, help you forget your troubles and maybe even help you see a different perspective in what would not necessarily be considered a funny situation. For as long as comedians have existed, one thing has remained…making light of a serious situation to help us get through the day. Sure, we can wallow in our self pity and be angry at the world for throwing us another curveball to deal with and crawl back into bed. OR, think about this…we can take the circumstance, look it straight in the eye and LAUGH at it until we don’t even know why we were so angry!

There are serious things that we cannot laugh our way through and there are people out there truly suffering that need our help. I am merely pointing out that without a sense of humor, we can be pretty boring and sad souls. If we weren’t given the gift of laughter, then why do we smile or giggle? We have the ability to feel all kinds of emotions, including humor. And if you are easily offended, try looking at things differently before lashing out to the world. There’s enough negativity out there already. Instead of pointing out what are the downsides of something, let’s showcase the beauty of what brings happiness. Today, start with smiling and laughing. You will feel better that you did!

#laughter #enjoythelittlemoments #somethingtothinkabout

After the Storm

We were recently hit by the latest hurricane Isaias, which impacted 100’s of thousands, especially in the Northeast. Five (5) days without power, internet and cell service has been a trial within the bigger trial of the worldwide pandemic. It was one thing having to stay home and adhere to social distancing and not seeing friends, etc. But in this day and age of our dependence of technology, not having power has caused a different kind of anxiety. Not having the ability to connect with the online community or make a simple phone call to a family member had certainly made me feel really disconnected. I also have found a new way of connecting with others on TIk Tok, following people who spread lots of positivity and good messages to help me start my day! My attitude on how I approach my day changed after listening to real people telling their stories or just sharing happy thoughts. I was missing my online community!!!

But, life is more than social media and I need to keep all of this in perspective. Life is about appreciating the little things in life. Before losing power, I would spend my morning making coffee, watching the birds from my kitchen window and then when I got myself going, would spend about 10 mins or more stretching out on my deck, doing modified yoga sun salutations. It really started my day. Then, I would go online, share my own positive thoughts on FB and share away. It’s been a good routine for me…starts my day and helps me be grounded and thankful.

Without power or the ability to connect online had set me off. My crabby feelings started creeping up again. I noticed I was getting more impatient. So this makes me really think about what makes things tick for me. Is it hearing from my “Hip Pocket Friends” on Tik Tok (moniker by @liquidshano) or my friend who always shares an inspirational message on Facebook with a picture that makes me think.

As much as I relish my days as a young 70’s/80’s kid, and all the simplicities we had, I have come to realize how much we really do rely on technology. Many are addicted to it and can’t live one day without texting, checking their statuses on FB, IG, etc. I must admit I do that. But I also realize that there must be balance. The reality is we cannot rely on social media to get us through the day. It may be a tool we can use to help us get started, but it shouldn’t be the reason why we conquer our day.

Perhaps this pandemic has heightened our dependence on social media because we are forced to stay home more. In the begininning we started new hobbies, spent time cooking and eating meals with our families more. But here we are, 5 months into this in the US and not a whole lot has changed in our habits. Some have continued their new found hobbies, while others have gotten over them and just want to go back to the previous “normal.”

My daily goal is to give thanks for what I do have. I have a roof over my head. My family is safe and healthy. And we do not need anything…we have plenty of food and supplies. There is nothing to complain about in the whole scheme of things. Life is GOOD! Oh, and I will find little things that bring me joy because that’s what can make me smile.

#attitudematters, #beintentional, #enjoythelittlethings

Welcome to My World

It seems I may be late to the blogging world. Most people have moved onto different platforms like YouTube or creating their own podcasts. I decided to start with a blog because I like to share my thoughts with basically everyone I encounter. I like spreading positivity, quotes, inspirational thoughts and anything in between. The world has become so toxic and I need some outlet aside from Tik Tok videos to get me through the day! Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Tik Tok. I believe it is because of this app, I have rekindled the need to write again. The people I follow are truly inspirational folks and if it weren’t for their short daily video clips, I’m not sure if I would have the courage to start writing in a public forum.

Social media is the way of connecting in all kinds of levels. I didn’t think I would be THAT person to be part of it. It took me forever to join Instagram and Twitter, but I finally did because it was just necessary to be able to keep up to date and stay in touch with the world. I’ve been on Facebook (FB) for about 14 years since the birth of my 2^nd child. I continue to be on FB, but in the past year, I am finding it to be a negative area of complaints and politics. Many of the public groups that were once a means of resource have become a forum for people to bash the government every moment they can or participate in cyber bullying.

Enter Covid-19 and the world shut down. Everyone watched as Italy closed down their country and suffered tremendous loss, while our country started thinking we needed to do something to “flatten the curve” so that we wouldn’t be as impacted like other countries. Unfortunately, the pandemic affected us worse than we thought and everyone just stayed home and self-quarantined. Eventually, the government stepped in to offer guidance, but at the cost of several lives lost.

So, what do middle-aged people do when they are forced to stay home, work from home and still need to deal with their families in closed quarters? Many turned to Tik Tok for the entertainment. I joined in mid to late May of 2020 and immediately was drawn to what this app had to offer. It became a daily ritual and because of the type of content I was seeking, I found people that shared the same ideas and thoughts as I did! We have become this little community (albeit, world wide) of folks seeking positivity and change. In a mere 15 or 60 second video clip, people started spreading good messages to the world with various hashtags so that others would be able to find them.

My kids say Tik Tok is not a positive environment and is just as bad as other social media platforms, but I really haven’t encountered that aspect of it personally. As with anything on social media, you can block, unfollow just scroll on by and move on. One of my favorite aspects of this app is that I have personally chatted or spoken to some of the bigger “tik tokkers” when they go Live and just answer questions, cook with you or just chill out. It’s a new way of socializing in these times of isolation.

One can certainly get caught up and spend hours on this app…maybe more so than Facebook or YouTube. There are many people that are creative, funny, inspirational, entertaining, you name it. And there is this sub-genre of tik tok…the gay/lesbian, the “regular” and the “creatives”. I’m still learning this aspect, but it is is intriguing because you’re able to find your community within the larger community of shared interests or values.

After getting to know some people on Tik Tok, about 3 or 4 people I interact with regularly have made an impact on me. I have found a voice and started changing my way of thinking. I have always tried to be happy and have fun and enjoy life, but I also allowed life’s stressors to disable or paralyze me, keeping me from being positive. I found Robert E Blackmon (@roberteblackmon), a Lifestyle coach with many other titles (fashion, entertainer, etc) and he has this short video segment called “Positive Vibes”. I love it because he summarizes one thing into a simple thought that is always positive and makes me think and starts my day. Then there is @Liquidshano1973 (Shane Leketa) who has a podcast called Coffee Talk. He’s in Maine and he has this wonderful voice just made for listening. He also shares his positivity daily along with his notorious cup of coffee to say, Cheers, and have a great day! It’s so nice to start the day off like that.

There are other Tik Tokkers that are doing great things…Richard a.k.a. “@mementovevir” and @supdaily as well as @scottdhenry. All these guys have one thing in common…spreading good, happy thoughts…telling their audience to be positive and smile…be happy and more importantly, to be kind.

You may think that this is all “kumbayaish”…heck, it probably is, but I think our world is DESPERATE to hear these messages more than ever. Main stream media and news outlets are full of negativity or bias stances. People are tired of the same thing with nothing ever changing. Enter Tik Tok…a place to unwind, smile, laugh, be silly, chat and hear something positive. Who wouldn’t be drawn to this platform?

In the beginning, this app was geared towards young people…tweens and teens primarily. But soon afterwards, when Covid hit, the 30/40/50 plus somethings started taking over! It was great to see people like me on this app and I started creating my own content as well. I still consider myself a novice. I have a little over 300 followers, which sometimes makes me a bit discouraged because I notice others have 1,000s of followers and barely any content. But, it’s just a number, right?

The goal to reach 1K followers is kind of a big deal, though. It allows that person to go “live” and be able to chat with their people exclusively. This is where you invite your followers into your world…your home…on a more intimate level. I’d love to get to that point, but I have a way to go. And what is more important to me is the quality and content of those I follow or who follow me than just growing for the sake of growing a big following.

I am not in this to be famous. I am here to share my thoughts and spread the good news of loving life and being appreciative of what is given to us because life is too darn short to spend feeling sorry for ourselves or never finding joy in the little things in life. If I can make an impact on just one or two people here online, then I have succeeded. If I am able to help someone see how valuable they are, I will be so happy. I love people and it hurts me to see others suffering, especially my friends.

If I can’t hug you now because of Covid, then I am sending you my virtual hugs like (((this))) using my words and my smile. 🙂

#positivity, #attitudematters, #enjoythelittlethings, #beintentional

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