Category: health

Road Blocks, Rocks and Rivers

They say when faced with many challenges, the ones that prevail come out stronger. I am not so sure how much stronger I can be. At this point, I should be Ms. Universe of Strength, if that’s a thing!

Back in February, I mentioned about changes in my job situation and that I should embrace those changes with a positive attitude. Unfortunately, it just didn’t work out. The new owners of the practice made drastic changes that left me feeling frustrated and upset most of the time. After careful thought, I decided to leave the job in early April. I gave a 2-week notice, but was asked to leave a mere 2 days later. It wasn’t the parting I wanted and I left feeling a bit humiliated, disheartened, yet relieved. Without getting into details, it was the right decision.

It has been only about a month and a half, but it feels like a very long time since I’ve been out of work. At first, I figured I’d give myself the time to grieve, re-evaluate, and decide what my next steps would be career-wise. In addition, I was preparing to have surgery for my hip the end of April, so the timing was actually ok.

Then I encountered another road block – my surgery was canceled. The reason? I had gained 30 pounds since my consultation (less than a year prior) and the doctor would not perform the surgery.

Needless to say I was devastated. I knew I had gained some weight, but the amount I gained was astonishing. I was so angry at myself for allowing this to happen. I walked out of the office building and hurled my handbag towards the car in a rage. WTF??? How could this be?? How could I allow myself to get to this point? I have been in a lot of pain and it has only gotten worse. I am unable to sustain long periods of standing and walking is difficult. The arthritis that has caused the deterioration in my hip is pretty bad. I need the surgery!!!

Did anyone say WAKE UP CALL? I won’t say I’m completely depressed because I keep trying every day to make good choices. Yet, I am not super happy with how things are progressing, either. Ever since I received the news about the surgery, I have changed my eating habits. There are so many combination of things I have to think about to ensure I make right choices each time. I’ve spent hours looking online looking for healthy recipes that I think will work for me. So far, I’ve been doing this on my own, with no outside support from sources like professional weight loss programs.

The weight is not coming off fast enough for me. It’s a slow progress. I have probably lost about 4 pounds total in a month. Some would say that’s great. But for me, it’s not good enough. The physical limitations are affecting me even more. Now that the weather is nice, I could go outside and walk, but right now, it’s nearly impossible without pain. The most I can do is probably just do an upper body workout, which I have just come to realize will be my only way out of this dread of feeling physically useless.

And if not to add more salt to my open wounds, I am also managing my parental duties to my kids, especially my younger son, who has struggled with anxiety and depression most of his adolescent life. I spend a lot of time taking care of his needs. I don’t want to disclose too much here, but he is battling things I am not familiar with and so I leave it to the professionals to help him. I’m just there for him to love and support him as much as possible. It’s not easy because as a parent, I feel helpless. Thank goodness, though, I have found good providers.

My older son is a junior in high school and I’ve been trying to guide him, along with a tutor, to prepare for life after high school. He wants to go to college and study physical therapy or something in the health sciences. However, he has his own challenges with grades and extracurricular activities that colleges look for when considering a student for admission. As a mom, I worry about his future and that brings a whole different set of frustrations to the mix. Additionally, there are other things like elderly parents to worry about, my 20+ year marriage to maintain and just working on keeping my mind sane! HA!!

All of these road blocks/obstacles, are certainly difficult and could potentially be paralyzing. Every day I wake up hoping for something to change. But change doesn’t just happen on its own. We have to pave our pathways around those road blocks to find a new road to travel. Sure, what is ahead of us is unknown and can be very scary. But if we don’t make our own way, we’re stuck behind that obstacle holding us back.

My therapist told me of this metaphor in nature about a rock in a river…the water makes its way around it to continue moving forward. The water doesn’t stop flowing just because it ran into a rock. And it certainly doesn’t go backwards, either.

Neither should we. No matter how many obstructions get in our way, we have to keep moving or else we are stuck in our own misery. I don’t want to be stuck. I want to keep moving. I want to find my clear path of success…even if it will take longer than I hope.

As a famous musician once wrote and sang,

We all end in the ocean
We all start in the streams
We’re all carried along
By the river of dreams

-Billy Joel

Wellness Journey Update May 16

It’s been a few weeks since I updated everyone on my progress. Unfortunately, two people in my life recently died and I have been somewhat distracted to write.

First, the woman I was helping/caring for passed away towards the end of April. It was a sad time for me as I’ve been with her for 4 years. I didn’t realize the impact it would have on me. Then, just four days later, I find out my uncle, who I was close to, died. He was my father’s brother, so I immediately flew down to Florida to be with him and the family.

Needless to say, it has been an emotional couple weeks. Being out of my environment, keeping on top of my routine has been harder than I thought. First, the weather was extremely hot and if I didn’t get out early in the morning, I missed my window to walk. I used some weights indoors, but for some reason, I didn’t maintain the same enthusiasm to exercise. I realize these are excuses, but the reality is that I was taking care of my emotional and mental health and reconnecting with family.

I have mentioned how important it is to take care of your mental health. There are several ways we can do so and sometimes doing nothing helps. I did feel relaxed to some extent being at my dad’s house, with my own space and being spoiled by my step-mother. In fact, one day, she and I spent the day at the beach and it was absolutely marvelous!

The change of scenery allowed my mind to wander and not think of my daily stresses that usually consume me.

But now I am back home and need to re-set. I gained some weight while I was away, which was expected. I feel a bit soft and need to regain some firmness. It’s frustrating now that I got out of routine that I have to start over. As they say, nothing worthwhile comes easy. There is something to be said of NEVER giving up, despite our setbacks.

So, as my week begins, I will start again. Focus on moving my body more. Incorporating more strength training and drinking LOTS of water!!! For some reason while I was in Florida, I didn’t drink as much.

image from Pinterest

Wellness Progress – Week 3

If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you.

Author unknown

I did it! I finally broke the 10 pound loss mark! It seemed like I was hovering for a couple weeks. I was getting a bit frustrated because I have been working hard to lose and get stronger. I have been consistent in my exercise routine and eating habits. So, when the scale wasn’t moving, I started to feel like I would never get past a certain stage.

I know about muscle weighing more and losing inches is just as important, but the almighty scale seems to have presedence over everything else. But, It’s all good because I know I continue to make progress.

I began a 21 day challenge along with some fellow Fit Campers and it’s a great way to keep focused and motivated. Before I started this 21 day challenge, I had a goal to hold the plank position for more than a minute at a time. Someone posted a plank challenge in our group and turns out with this challenge, I should be able to hold plank for 3 minutes by the end of the 21 days!

This past Saturday was another successful Fit Camp at the nutrition club where I also get my protein shakes. I noticed how I was able to handle the repetitions quicker and I could do the modified pushups easier than the week before. My stamina has definitely improved.

I felt so good after my Fit Camp workout, I decided to go for a walk on the boardwalk by the beach. It was a beautiful day, too. As I was walking, I saw that the small island off shore was accessible by a walkable sandbar due to the very low tide that day. I had never walked out that far and decided to take on the adventure! It was so fun to explore and get my exercise in as well.

Beginning of the 1.5 mile round trip walk to and from the island

I should have listened to myself when I knew I needed to stop at some point so I could turn around and go back to my car. I had already walked a good mile or so. But, like they say, curiosity killed the cat and for me, I was very curious! It was so fun to explore and observe this quaint little island that is home to some local birds.

On my way back, my body wasn’t happy with me and I knew I’d be paying for it. By the time I got home, I was completely wiped out and my back hurt. I had to take it easy the rest of the day. I had no idea I would be in a lot of pain from walking more than usual. I did a double workout and my body did not like it!

Despite overdoing it, I love the fact that I push myself to my best ability. I find myself wanting to move more. Being part of the 21 day challenge and support group is making me hyper focused on my goals.