Tag: love

I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

“Close friends are truly life’s treasures. Sometimes they know us better than we know ourselves. With gentle honesty, they are there to guide and support us, to share our laughter and our tears. Their presence reminds us that we are never really alone.”

Vincent van Gogh

For as long as I remember, I’ve had many friends in my life. One of the earliest friendships I remember was from when I was 4 or 5 and my best friend lived across the street. When I moved out of state a few years later, we stayed pen pal friends for quite a long time and today, we are still friends on Facebook. We may not chat much now, but it’s pretty cool to know we have that life long connection.

I honestly can’t recall a time when I wasn’t without a friend or two. I don’t think I can even determine if I ever felt lonely, especially being an only child, because my friends have been there for me in one way or another. From childhood friends and throughout college and work, I have made some great friendships along the way, each one providing me with a gift I treasure always.

Some of my closest friends have been those that have been a part of my life since having my own family. As a parent with kids in activities, it’s almost inevitable that you are going to make some friends. If you’re lucky, you become close and you get to share in each other’s milestones, the heartaches, the accomplishments and challenges of life, all of it with immense love, laughter and compassion. I can proudly attest that I have those kinds of friends.

A place I wasn’t necessarily expecting to build such close friendships has been at church. When my kids were attending Susanna Wesley School, the pastor was hosting a meet and greet coffee time at drop off and I decided to join. I learned he was a dad with two kids, one who was also attending the preschool like mine! To connect with a pastor who not only was my contemporary, but could relate to all the things a parent with young children experience was fantastic. He approached me at the right moment because it was at a time in my life that I was seeking a spiritual connection. Pastor Tim had a great way of telling a story at the pulpit. I thoroughly enjoyed his sermons. I attended regularly and became a member about year later. During his time at HUMC, I met other families and people who became my friends. The relationships from church have been some of the most important ones in my life. There is a tremendous amount of trust and love.

They say it takes a village to raise a family. I’ll take it a step further and say it takes a village to survive life. Without the support of friends and family, how do we cope with all the things that we experience in life without being able to share and lean on others? I certainly wouldn’t be able to get through life without my friends. They are my family.

In one of my favorite movies, “It’s A Wonderful Life”, a character named Clarence wrote to Jimmy Stewart’s character at the end of the movie the following:

Clarence wrote this to George in “It’s a Wonderful Life”

I love this so much. It always makes me cry because I realize that despite the pitfalls of life, one thing has always remained constant…my friends. In all stages and seasons of my life, I am so grateful to have those I can lean on their shoulders or share a good laugh because we all get by with a little help from our friends.

YouTube video of Joe Cocker, “I Get By with a Little Help From My Friends”

John 15:13

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” – John 15:13

Love, Love, Love

There’s a song from the 90’s that was in the movie, Night at the Roxbury, entitled “What is Love?”, the theme of the movie. The characters are brothers who are very close, have a falling out, eventually reconcile and everyone lives happily ever after.

The movie was a flop and there wasn’t much depth. Probably the only thing that became a success was the popularity of the song, “What is Love?”

So, what is love??? According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary:

love is “an intense feeling of deep affection for a person.”

If we look at the Bible and see what Paul wrote about love, it encompasses many things like patience, kindness, hope and trust.

There a numerous references to love. It seems this has been the most discussed and researched topic since the beginning of time. From philosophers to poets, love has been a subject of intangible curiosity.

Recently we said our final goodbyes to my beloved uncle, who not only was loved very much, but was also the pillar of the family. He was an intelligent and kind person who was passionate about his family. He wrote and reflected on life and would share those thoughts with us. During the services, his spirit was strong and we felt a power of love so fierce that we couldn’t help but feel deeply connected to one another.

The energy of grief, though prevalent, was overshadowed by the fortitude of love our entire family expressed towards each other. The priest highlighted the fact that the only thing that is of ultimate value is LOVE. In his Italian accent and jovial expressions, he emphasized love threes each time he spoke about it.

This had me thinking more about the power of love, particularly when families unite during circumstances like a funeral. We rejoice in reuniting with one another and reminisce on our past. It’s a strange thing if you think about it. Why is it that it takes something like death to bring family together??

Since the pandemic, we have become creative in connecting with our loved ones. There really isn’t much excuse to be in touch, even for a few moments. Technology enables us to speak or see each other across the world. Staying in touch has never been easier. Yet, we fall into a trap of our own busyness and forget about those that mean the most to us…those whose roots are our life force.

We get caught up in our own lives and don’t take the time to plan get togethers with our families. Life happens. The key is to purposely set time to keep connected with our family. It isn’t always that easy, which is why we need to be intentional in putting our families and loved ones a priority. Annual family reunions is certainly one way to stay connected.

What else defines love?

Love means feeling compassion and empathy towards others. No judgement. When we judge, we set up a barrier and separate ourselves from others. When we are separated, how can we truly love?

Even after much time that passes, families can find themselves back to a place of love, despite all the heartaches from the past.

Love means acceptance and understanding.

Love has a partner that can’t be forgotten. Forgiveness. Without forgiveness, we are trapped in our own pain. We cannot move on and we hold hardness against others. When we forgive, we become free.

And who doesn’t want to feel free from our negative feelings? I don’t want to be weighed down with hatred or ill will. I realize that even if we all share different philosophies about life, we still share a common bond. After experiencing this loss in my family, it is more obvious how short and precious life truly is and we must not take our families, our friends or ourselves for granted.

All we need is to Love, Love, Love.

My family, May 2021

‘The beautiful things in life are not just things. They’re the people and places, memories and pictures. They’re feelings and moments and smiles and laughter.” -author unknown

Bring Back Love and Compassion

It has been a week since the recent 19 year anniversary of September 11th, a day that will forever be marked in history. I found a common theme across my social media circles and that was we need to get back to how we dealt with that tragedy the days following the attack. I saw statements like, “let’s get back to loving one another; can we please bring back compassionate for others?; let’s forget our differences and remember we are one human nation;” and so many other statements.

It seems we have lost our ability over the last several years of how to be supportive and loving towards each other. Judging and hatred and disregarding others opinions have been more prevalent lately over the last few years. It saddens me to see how we can’t keep that feeling of one community and we are so divided over just about anything imaginable. It’s time to take action…one person at a time.

How can one person make such an impact on another? It may be simpler than we think. Shane Leketa, podcaster of Coffee Talk says, “…we need to get back to basics, invest in others, encourage and support one another,” even if we do not fully agree with everything they believe in or say.

When 9/11 happened, our nation truly united. We did anything possible to help by donating our time, money, support, love, and patriotism for our country. It didn’t matter what race, gender, social status you were because all in all, we just wanted to help our fellow human being. We forgot our differences and just pulled together.

Social media has been both a positive way of connecting with others, but has also served as a conduit for anyone to believe they have the right to say just about anything to the world without repercussions. It’s become our medium of venting, complaining, bullying, fighting, pushing our agendas, and anything else in that realm.

Instead of highlighting the negative aspects, let’s see what positive impact social media has had on us. It has enabled us to share our day with others, encourage and lift each other, reconnect with family and old friends, as well as making new connections with others around the world. One thing seems to be common…many are seeking the same thing and that is love and understanding.

Perhaps we can stop hyper focusing and accept the imperfections of things around us. Even things that aren’t perfect have a purpose and light that should be shown.

Back to basics. Family time, friend gatherings, enjoying the little things, going outside and breathing fresh air or re-connecting with nature. We are so blessed to have technology on our side to help us continue to communicate with one another. However, sometimes, we do need to unplug and pay attention to what is in front of us. Our neighbors. Our family. Our friends. Our world.

There are many suffering from mental illness, or going through difficult times with their families. Some people are completely alone and are battling post traumatic stress disorder. Our older generation has been isolated more than ever since this pandemic. our children are losing their innocence of wonder and amazement because they are exposed to so much. Some parents tell their kids everything and some choose to not share all the negative aspects of our world.

It can get overwhelming thinking about all the stressors in life and what everyone experiences on a day to day basis. So, let’s tackle it differently by breaking down the issues into bite sized pieces where we truly can make a difference and start rebuilding our communities.

Invest in others

What does that entail? taking the time to get to know others, not just superficially, but really understand them. Call your elderly parents and say hello. Help your neighbor who is struggling with a piece of lawn equipment. Write a letter to our military troops who are far from home.

Encourage each other

We all can use encouragement. Sometimes if we lift another person’s spirit, ours can be lifted as well. I’m not saying to do this for selfish reasons, but it’s a natural way of human interaction. We feel good when we help others, so don’t stop what comes natural to us and don’t be afraid to offer words of encouragement when you see someone is hurting or not themselves. Be someone’s shoulder to lean on. Be that ear someone needs to listen. Just be there.

It’s OK to Agree to Disagree

One of the most difficult challenges we face is tolerance of others and their differences, yet still be respectful towards one another. Everyone has opinions or beliefs that may not jive with yours and it is totally fine! How boring would life be if we all believed the same way? It’s healthy to have various discussions, but when we start bashing another person’s opinions and start disrespecting their character, then we have overstepped the line.

There is a thing called Rules of Engagement in the military. It is defined as,

“directives meant to describe the circumstances under which ground, naval, and air forces will enter into and continue combat with opposing forces. Formally, rules of engagement refer to the orders issued by a competent military authority that delineate when, where, how, and against whom military force may be used, and they have implications for what actions soldiers may take on their own authority and what directives may be issued by a commanding officer. Rules of engagement are part of a general recognition that procedures and standards are essential to the conduct and effectiveness of civilized warfare.”

https://www.britannica.com/topic/rules-of-engagement-military-directives

Even during World War I, there was an unofficial cease-fire during Christmas. Enemies stopped fighting. They didn’t want to fight one another even though they were on opposite sides. There was a common understanding that no one would fight on Christmas Day. How amazing is that? To think we actually possessed the respect to lay down our firearms so that we could have a day of peace.

I am not saying we need to treat our society like the military, but there is something we can extract from this and how society treats one another and their differences. Tolerance. Respect. Kindness. Love.

We are one human race, on one planet, with invisible lines that border us. We do not have to allow those invisible lines divide us. We can cross over and get back to basics by being compassionate towards other people, despite ourselves.